Anxiety Attack

When my daughters were single-digit ages—two, five, and seven—I wowed them with a miracle. I told them the story of Moses and the manna and invited them to follow me on a wilderness trek through the house.

"Who knows," I suggested, "manna may fall from the sky again."

We dressed in sheets and sandals and did our best Bedouin hike through the bedrooms. The girls, on my instruction, complained to me, Moses, of hunger and demanded I take them back to Egypt, or at least to the kitchen. When we entered the den, I urged them to play up their parts: groan, moan, and beg for food.

"Look up," I urged. "Manna might fall any minute."

Two-year-old Sara obliged with no questions, but Jenna and Andrea had their doubts. How can manna fall from a ceiling?

Just like the Hebrews. "How can God feed us in the wilderness?"

Just like you? You look at tomorrow's demands, next week's bills, next month's silent calendar. Your future looks as barren as the Sinai Desert. "How can I face my future?" God tells you what I told my daughters: "Look up."

When my daughters did, manna fell! Well, not manna, but vanilla wafers dropped from the ceiling and landed on the carpet. Sara squealed with delight and started munching. Jenna and Andrea were old enough to request an explanation.

My answer was simple. I knew the itinerary. I knew we would enter this room. Vanilla wafers fit safely on the topside of the ceiling-fan blades. I had placed them there in advance. When they groaned and moaned, I turned on the switch.

God's answer to the Hebrews was similar. Did he know their itinerary? Did he know they would grow hungry? Yes and yes. And at the right time, he tilted the manna basket toward earth.

And what about you? God knows what you need and where you'll be. Any chance he has some vanilla wafers on tomorrow's ceiling fans? Trust him. "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes" (Matthew 6:33-34).

I don't have kids yet, this is an email from my friend, "Peace for Anxious Days by Max Lucado." It is truly a wonderful miracle how we can get through each day of our lives, struggling, yet still surviving. Everyone has to admit we may have our own anxiety attacks, yet learning how to give it all up to God, is one thing we should always have in mind. I've had my own struggles. Before, I used to worry a lot. I worried about bills to pay, stressful work, pressure, stability, and everything for tomorrow. It was then that all my worries really turn into problems. But then somehow, I learned one thing- Faith. I simply trust everything to my Faith that all my problems will be solved, all my worries be gone. And they all simply go away. Here I am now, still struggling for everyday living, but with my Faith, I know I can go through everything. And there's nothing more I can say than "Thank you, Lord..."

My Own Knight

I just opened my email and read an article sent by my friend. He is the same friend who never wears out sending inspirational emails everyday, probably to everyone he knows. I don't know why, but I admit that I've been quite lazy when it comes to my own religiosity, yet, I make it a point that I read and digest such emails every morning. I just feel that it would help me make it through my long and tiring day.

I've been too pre-occupied these past few days, I've been really problematic. There was a point that I just wanted to give up, not until yesterday, that I saw the light. Well, I didn't totally lose hope, coz deep inside, I know that everything will just pass, that pain will eventually leave me. And it did. Though my problems were not totally solved yet, I know that I am now okay.

The article was about the girl's "Knight", where she had been searching for so long for him and the world around her just mocked and told her that there was no knight at all. All she found were impostors and she just grew tired and eventually thought of giving up, until her knight finally came, accepted her, and gave her everything she had ever wished.

I actually feel that I was the girl at some point. There were tough times, yet, there was always a moment when I'll just stop and realize that I was never alone, that even if I was in the midst of darkness, there will always be some light. There were a million times that I neglected him, but he never left me, I know, because there would always be a time that I'd simply realize he's just there. It's as if he'll lightly touch me on my shoulder just for me to remember that he's just there, always there, my own "knight".

Not the Way as Planned

"Some things are really not meant to be."

This may really be true, as this is what I just kept on thinking right now. I have planned great things a couple of weeks ago. Everything has been falling into places, not until the other day, that I think that the whole plan was completely ruined. Probably because I didn't trust my instincts, or I allowed myself to trust another person that obviously cannot be trusted. I am blaming myself for allowing all these things to happen, when in the first place, I know that this could most likely happen. And I feel that I let others down, coz when I trusted, they trusted me too.

I may be so vague, and others might think that it was really nothing when they knew what this was all about. But as for me, I feel so frustrated, exasperated, betrayed... When I completely trusted someone whom I knew cannot be trusted, and I knew this was coming. And it all happened.

Now, here I am, trying to pick up things which can still be saved. I just hate myself although I know that it was not my fault. I just trusted. Though I am not the most trusting person in the world, yet...

I still am hoping... wishing... praying... that I can still sort things out, that things can still be alright. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that, my instincts never let me down. Still, everything does not always happen as how we want it to be, some things are not really meant to be...

Starting Over Again

Well, well, well... seems like I finally got hold of my time for blogging, well, hopefully. I've had a lot of weblogs before but I just couldn't find the time to update them all the time, and I seriously hate it, simply because putting my thoughts into writing is the thing that I definitely can't live without. But why the hell I couldn't have time? That I don't know. I usually write when I'm feeling down, just to pour my heart out, if you know what I mean. But now, I kinda like to put a different perspective on this first love of mine. I don't actually care if anybody reads my posts, I just wanted to share some part of me through all these. I have outlined what my blog should contain, and everything, and I certainly hope, wish and pray that I could do it. Not only for the people who reads blogs, but for me, because this is me, my thoughts, my works, just thinking aloud, just trying to share something from deep inside of me...