Unfaithful

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore (anymore)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)

No no no no

Yeah yeah yeah

Unfaithful may have been on air for quite some time now, but it just caught my attention recently. I only just hear it in passing, but just the other night, I searched for a lyrics and I was quite amazed. It was full of meaning. I don't actually relate to it, I am not experiencing anything of the sort, but the story behind it really seems emotional and passionate.

The First Lap

It's my turn. I grab the tiled edge of the pool with my two hands, back to it, facing the entire length of the shimmering waters. I felt rather shivery. I've tried to do it a couple of times before but I simply didn't make it. I poised to get ready. I shifted my body to face the other end, my goal. Placing my right foot ready to kick from the wall, I sucked in a deep breath and plunged forward.

The water is of right temperature. My hands and arms are outstretched way in front of my body, as I feel the splash take me in. I moved slowly forward. Then I suddenly felt the need to move. I carefully pulled into the water with my right hand, then the left, while flapping my feet altogether. I moved swiftly across the water until I reach my coach. It was then that I realized I have reached the middle of the pool. But instead of calling me to stop, he moved a foot away to give me a wide berth, urging me to move on, way past him, to the final goal, the other end. It was then that I started to hear the shouts of encouragement, the motivations, the yells to continue forward, to swim on. And I finally saw the light of the pool ahead. It was as if I was struggling for so long when I finally saw hope. And so I continued to saunter forward.

I heard myself thinking, more, more, nearer and nearer, just a few feet more. And I finally grabbed the edge of the pool, pushing my head out of the water, and caught air to fill my lungs. There was an explosion. Shouts and cheers erupted from both ends of the pool. Still out of breath, I smiled. I did it. I finally did it. It was my first lap ever.

A Different High

It has been an open secret that my passion for writing has never burned out, to my close friends at least. I didn't know how it all started but I realized even as a young child that I am able to speak my thoughts better in writing. I planned to be a journalist having all my backgrounds and experiences since elementary and high school yet I somehow found myself sidetracked and took up Architecture instead.

I don't have any regrets, I came to like my new path, with friends and new things I have discovered and learned. I might be a little smug as to say that I am always a versatile person. I have been writing before but I somewhat stopped. Just recently, it occurred to me that something in me is missing. The burning passion for writing has come back. I found myself afraid that I won't be able to write anymore and my talent was taken away from me. But I was amazed to find all the open doors waiting for me. It was like a switch waiting to be turned on.

I took the opportunity that presented itself. I was given this chance and I held a tight grip on it. I wrote and the article was published with my name. It might not be that grand, and I'd all but experienced all these before, but I felt a different high seeing my name and article once again. It was as if I was sleeping all along and this is is awakening.

My first (hopefully not the last) article - http://arabeastern.com/pages/Arabic_Coffee_a_true_Arabian_legacy__7567.asp

The Twilight Series

Been a fan of the Twilight series for the past couple of months. Actually, the way the books were written were not that perfect, but the plot is simply amazing. When I first read the brief summary at the back of Twilight, I never thought I'd like it. But I really did! It is a very passionate love story. Being the latest bestseller worldwide, it shouldn't be compared to the Harry Potter series because it is completely different.
I kept returning to Twilight because i love the story of the first stage of the relationhip. It is where it all begins and the spark is always there.

Moved

It was 12:30pm, the usual lunch time. As I sat on my table silently nibbling through my packed lunch and chatting away with K, I had the urge to go out and stroll a little in Al Gurair Mall near my office. I told K that I was going out to look for a pair of gloves and neck warmers for his brother-in-law who is going to Canada soon. I don't go out for lunch that often now because the blazing sun was really scorching my skin, it is still summer here in the city built within the desert, Dubai.

Slowly, I walked under the shelter of my umbrella. Slowly, because my feet started to sweat and I was slipping on my slip-ons. As I passed the nearby shops along the narrow street leading to the main road across the mall, I overheard a conversation between three men, one man actually, since the other two who were listening to the man speaking were obviously gays who work in the salon where they stood. I barely heard what was it all about but I had the gist that the guy talking was begging. It was already a cliche and so I just walked on until I reached the comfort of the mall, cold enough to dry my sweating body.

I was not able to find what I was looking for but I got myself a cheap shirt instead. Wee! Very typical of me! As I traveled down the same narrow street, I recognized the same guy who was begging with the gays earlier, but I just passed him. But I was surprised when I realized that he turned and caught up with me.

He was barely thirty based on my assumptions, quite short and thin and he was wet with sweat all over. As I stopped to look at him, he babbled on what I took was his practiced piece. He said that he was looking for compatriots to ask for help. He was here for six months already on a visit visa and was just saving enough money to go back to the Philippines. It was not the first time I heard this kind of story but I was astonished with myself at how easily I seemed to believe him and even pity him so much. He seemed to have problems with normal speaking, I guessed he had a harelip before, but his speech was still not that normal. But he was looking at me straight in the eyes while he was speaking. Sure there are a lot of people who might have grown comfortable with lying, able to look at you straight in the eyes, but I could feel he was different. I asked him why he didn't go to the consulate to ask for help, but he said he tried and just got shunted, he said somebody there told him that they were just helping people who get abused by their employers. He seemed to have silent tears behind his eyes while telling me his story. I asked him who invited him to come here in the first place. He said, it was his friend who already went home to the Philippines after he arrived here, and the same friend who promised him he already has a job waiting for him here. I took out two ten dirham notes and shoved them to him, telling him to still go to the consulate for help. I wanted to leave him immediately. I didn't know if it was because of his sad story or because of his deformity, but just the same, it has moved me.

While I resumed walking along the street, it made me think of a lot of things. The story of this man might have been a well-rehearsed lie, but still, there is the unyielding truth that a lot of people are out there suffering from their painfully twisted fates. Of the housemaids sexually and physically abused by their employers. Of the Filipinos continuously coming here everyday hoping that good luck will come their way. Of the people being deceived by their own compatriots. Of the many people stuck in various nearby countries waiting for help to get them visas to return to Dubai. Of the many women who had to sell their bodies for money. Of the many people too sick to come home. Of the people who were left by their own families. Of the many families in the Philippines waiting for their loved ones who might not return to them.

I was very blessed that I was not among them. I was very blessed that none of my friends do not suffer like those many. I was very blessed that I had enough, sometimes, maybe more than enough. But still, I was moved. I was nowhere near to be of help to them. I was as helpless as them to be able to help them. I was moved in this stillness to simply wish, hope and pray that they be blessed with a turn around of fate.

Before My Head Bursts...

my head is quite full of all the ideas, experiences and thoughts it has gathered recently. and if i don't blab about it a little, i might explode! though i really don't have the exact picture of what i really want, i know it always comes down to one point- my ultimate dream, that i thought has become my ultimate frustration for the past few years when i had decided to step into the realities of life and get head on with my priorities. but somehow, as i knew it would, the feeling never ceased to come out. i don't know what to call it, but i know, i honestly know, though it has always seemed impossible, that i'll reach it in the end... i may get sidetracked along the way, but still, i know, i can make it... just a single little hope, burning passionately deep in my heart, that i know would never ceased burning, until i finally reached my goal...


-marby :)

Catching Up

It really is catching up. Been busy as always, with everything and everyone around me. But when I stop to look back, I can definitely say that the past couple of months of my life have been the most worthwhile and worth cherishing. What with the wedding preparations, my family coming to Dubai, the wedding itself, to our most awaited vacation back in the Philippines, those few months can be counted up as one hell of a lifetime of memories!

Catch and Release

"Catch and Release" is a movie about love lost and love found, friendship, companionship, responsibility - it's a story about life. It stars Jennifer Garner as Gray, a young widow (to be) who losses his fiance when he goes on fishing on his Bachelor's Party. Their supposedly wedding day becomes his funeral- her greatest tragedy and loss for their 6-year relationship. Gray was accompanied by her fiance's bestfriends during the funeral, but she can't handle the crowd and runs upstairs to the bathroom and pours her heart out while sitting in the empty bathtub. She was appalled when one of her fiance's bestfriends rushes in with a flirty maid, and they were making out! The newcomers didn't know she was there, and not until the girl left did Gray show herself. Fritz was astonished when he sees her and as she was leaving, she told him that she wonders why Grady (her fiance) was ever friends with him.

Gray goes on with her life without him, but with Sam and Dennis, whom she loves as her own bestfriends too. But she was not pleased to see Fritz still hanging around the house even after the funeral. When Gray sees a lawyer, she finds out that Grady has some great fortune from his investments, but she also learns that he was sending money to somebody regularly and she wonders who was it. She receives a call one night and realizes it was a woman who was making some demands to her late fiance. She discovers from Fritz that the money he's been sending regularly was for her- because they have a son. He tells her that what happened between the girl and Grady was just once, and when he knew that they had a son, he felt obliged to support the kid, and that was their only relationship. He also tells her that this happened some eight years ago and way before they had been together. But the truth comes out when one morning, Maureen and her son stumbled down at Gray's place looking for Grady. Gray pretends she was a cleaning woman and promises to send Grady her message. She rushes over to Fritz and finds out that Maureen and Grady had an affair during their relationship, not before. They argue over this but, end up kissing.

Maureen and her son Mattie visited them again and offered to prepare a dinner. At the dinner table, she confesses to them a lot of things that Grady never knew about her, just letting them know that she's not really "perfect" as what they all see of her. During the night, Gray slips out of her room and lies beside Fritz. They were disturbed by Sam who walks to the refrigerator in the middle of the night. Gray returns to her bedroom unnoticed by Sam.

The whole lot goes on a fishing trip, Sam teaches Mattie how to fish and gives him Grady's hat, Maureen on her body balancing exercises, Fritz takes photos, Gray reads a book, and Dennis approaches her, confessing to her that he loves her for the past six years.

Sam accompanies Maureen and Mattie to the hospital for DNA test, if he's really the son of Grady, he inherits his entire fortune. He later brings them back to the motel where they stay. Maureen gives Sam a massage to show her gratefulness, but later became intimate, only Sam suddenly gets back to his senses. Dennis brings a date into their house, who later ditches him because of some annoying message she sees on a paper. Dennis drinks alone, smashing bottles and things within his reach. But being the responsible guy that he is, he starts picking up the mess , as Fritz and Gray enters the room, holding hands together. This brings Dennis to more depression and frustration. He releases his angst to their front door, scraping it with a planer and when Sam arrives and realizes what he was doing, they scrambled on the floor to get the planer away from each other. Fritz suddenly comes out from Gray's bedroom, and walked away from the two, who immediately halted when they saw him. Gray wakes up finding Fritz gone, but with a note on the pillow, "coffee". She gets up and sees Dennis looking up some pictures of Grady. He immediately talks about her being inlove with somebody else, but Gray just shrugs it off, saying it was nothing, less than nothing. This was overheard by Fritz from the patio, who was about to bring their cups of coffee and Gray doesn't notice him. She offers to find some better pictures for Dennis.

Gray went to their storage room and rummaged though the piles for pictures and she notices what was hanging from the corner, her wedding dress. She puts it on and slouches on the sofa, where Fritz sees her, and bids her goodbye. He tells her what he overhears, but nothing she says stops him from leaving.

The DNA test result comes out, Ellen, Grady's mother and Gray, hears from Eve, the lawyer, that Mattie is not the son of Grady. Ellen leaves feeling somehow disappointed. When Maureen learns of this, she insisted there must be a mistake, but realizes that the true father of Mattie may be the French man she once met. She says sorry for all the mess she had caused, and that she'll move on with life.

At the peace garden created by Grady's friends in his memory, Ellen hands out some money for Maureen and Mattie. This was because Gray tells her that whatever help Grady gave them when he was still alive must be continued, even if they already knew that Mattie was not his real son. She talks of all the things he knew about Grady to the people who attended, and later thanks Ellen for the help she gave Maureen. She hands out her engagement ring back to her but Ellen insisted for her to keep it.

Dennis moves out of the house, even if Sam doesn't want to, but later finds another roommate, Maureen and Mattie. Gray bids them farewell too, tells them that she has to go to someplace. She drives all the way to Los Angeles, to a house near the beach, where he finds Fritz, playing catch with his dog. He stops whatever Gray has to say, and just tells her what took her so long.

...and they lived happily ever after. It would be the fitting end, wouldn't it? I really liked the romance incurred in the movie, and overall, I think it was really good, in all it's simplicity and reality. After all, friendship and love are the best things in the world!

Give Him All Of You

Just something to share with you...


One day a man decided to invite the Lord to come home and stay with him. When the Lord arrived, this young man offered him the very best room in the house. The room was upstairs and at the end of the hall. "This room is yours, Jesus! Stay as long as you like and you can do whatever you want to in this room, remember Jesus, its all yours."

That evening after he had retired for the night there came a loud knocking at the front door. The young man pulled on his robe and made his way downstairs. When he opened the door he found that the devil had sent three of his demons to attack the man. He quickly tried to close the door but one of the demons kept sticking his foot in.

Sometime later, after a great struggle, he managed to slam the door shut and returned to his room totally exhausted.

Can you believe that," the man thought. Jesus is upstairs in my very best room sleeping while I am down here battling demons. Oh, well, maybe he just didn't hear. He slept fitfully that night. The next day thing went along as normal and, being tired as he was, the young man retired early that evening. Along about midnight, there came such a terrible ruckus at the front door that the young man was sure that whatever it was would tear the door down. He stumbled down the stairs once again and opened the door to find that were dozens of demons now trying to get into his beautiful home.

For more than three hours he fought and struggled against the demons from hell, and finally overtook them enough to shut the door against their attack. All energy seemed to fail him. He really didn't understand this at all. Why won't the Lord come to my rescue? Why does he allow me to fight all by myself? I feel so alone. Troubled, he found his way to the sofa and fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning he decided to inquire of the Lord about the happenings of the last two evenings. Quietly he made his way to the elegant bedroom where he had left Jesus. "Jesus," he called as he tapped at the door. "Lord, I don't understand what is happening. For the last two nights I have had to fight the demons away from my door while you laid up here sleeping. Don't you care about me? Did I not give you the very best room in the house?"

He could see the tears building in Jesus' eyes but continued on, "I just don't understand, I really thought that once I invited you in to live with me that you would take care of me and I gave you the best room in my house and everything. What more can I do?"

"My precious child," Jesus spoke so softly. "I do love and care for you. I protect all that you have released into my care. But, when you invited me to come here and stay, you brought me to this lovely room and you shut the door to the rest of your house. I am Lord of this room but I am not Master of this house.

I have protected this room and no demon may enter here."

"Oh, Lord, please forgive me. Take all of my house -- it is yours. I am so sorry that I never offered you all to begin with. I want you to have control of everything." With this he flung open the bedroom door and knelt at Jesus' feet. "Please forgive me Lord for being so selfish."

Jesus smiled and told him that He had already forgiven him and that He would take care of things from now on. That night as the young man prepared for bed he thought, I wonder if those demons will return, I am so tired of fighting them each and every night. But, he knew that Jesus said that he would take care of things from now on.

Along about midnight the banging on the door was frightening. The young man slipped out of his room in time to see Jesus going down the stairs. He watched in awe as Jesus swung open the door, no need to be afraid.

Satan stood at the door, this time demanding to be let in. "What do you want, Satan?" the Lord asked. The devil bowed low in the presence of the Lord, "So sorry, I seem to have gotten the wrong address." And with that, he and the demons all ran away.

There is a moral to this tale. Jesus wants all of you, not just a part. He will take all that you give Him, but nothing more. How much of your heart have you given to the Lord? Are you keeping a portion of it away from Him?

Perhaps the attacks are coming more and more each day. Why not let the Lord fight the battles for you? He is always victorious. I have found that God made man simple, all of man's complexities are of his own devising.

Photograph

This is from the song "Photograph" by Nickelback. I just thought of posting this coz of its message. It's just nice to remember your old school days...

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...